60 Ideas to have an affair -- with your own spouse or life partner!
Is your relationship suffering from boredom, stagnation or just a case of the blahs?
Do you feel like you have fallen out of love with your spouse or life partner?
While women tend to wait for the man to initiate romance, men often feel like it is all on them and they like their spouse to initiate It makes them feel loved, desired, and special just like it does for women.
Jump start fun and romance with these tips. Let them inspire your own creative ideas!
1. Call your partner unexpectedly just to say you love him/her and were thinking of him/her.
2. Call your spouse/partner just to tell them one thing you appreciate about them.
3. Send your spouse/partner flowers (home, office, hotel room) "just because", or 'thank you for. . .", or 'because I love you', etc..
4. Send a fax to work (or an e-mail) saying that you love your spouse and can't wait to be with him/her again.
5. Pick up flowers or dinner on the way home and surprise your partner. (If dinner, you might want to call and make sure she/he hasn't already starting preparing dinner!)
6. When you come home, find your spouse and just hold him/her close for a moment (prolonged hug)--no words necessary.
7. Call your partner at 10:00am and tell them you want to take them out to lunch. Take him/her to one of their favorite places -- OR pick up a light take-out lunch and then find a fun place to make love!
9. When you walk by your spouseat home, touch him/her, or give a hug, or caress.
10. Wake up to the day as if it was 'the first time' you were alone with your spouse. Greet him/her enthusiastically. Sit and just look lovingly at him/her for a few moments. Touch his/her face lovingly.
11. Write a note and put it where your partner will find it during the day. Tell the person loving things.
12. When you go to bed, sleep naked together without sex. Just hold your partner or snuggle next to him/her so your bodies touch. (also good with pajamas/nightgown on)
13. Try a new way to make your love-making more sensual and prolonged. (Can use candles, incense, longer foreplay, times of just kissing and holding, caressing, exploring each other's bodies by touch, etc.)
14. 'Make love' with no penetration or oral sex -- be creative in being sexually and sensually loving.
15. Make a list of 5 things you love about your partner or your life together and leave it where they will find it (or mail it).
16. Bring home balloons (or hide them and put them out at night after your partner goes to bed) with a note or sign with something like "I celebrate YOU!" "You are wonderful!" or something similar.
17. Pamper your partner one evening. (Examples: If watching TV, ask partner if he/she would like anything--offer to put stool under feet or take off shoes and massage feet. If cooking dinner, volunteer to clean up, do dishes while partner just relaxes. Give back rub. Put on soothing music. Etc...)
18. Next time you kiss, pause, look into your partner's eyes remembering what it was like when you first met. Touch his/her face. Trace his/her lips with your finger. Slowly bring your lips to your spouse's lips--first gently kissing his/her upper lip, then lower lip. Embrace your partner and gently kiss them fully, letting your lips part, and enjoy every second of it. After the kissing is finished, just hold each other a few moments longer.
19. Plan a 'date'--arrange for baby-sitters, clear calendar, etc. (Good to do this one once a week or at least every two weeks!) Don't go to the same place all the time. Do some old favorites, but also try new experiences or places.
20. 'Surprise' your partner by taking them someplace they have said they wanted to go--a sporting event, a concert, a restaurant, a computer show, the mall, etc. Do it even if it isn't something you like. Enjoy your partner enjoying it and do it simply for love.
21. Make a list of 10 romantic things to say to your partner and say them from time to time throughout the next month or two.
22. Create a romantic dinner at home or out somewhere.
23. Take a bath together with bath oils, or bubbles, and candles. Rose petals can be a nice touch -- in the bath and/or on the bed.
24. Do what you would do for an anniversary on a regular day--just because.
25. Buy a gift for your partner--it can be a blouse or shirt s/he wanted--or something simple and inexpensive.
26. Plan a picnic in the park (or your own yard, or living room).
27. Even when you still have chores to do, take the day off, do something else fun.
28. Call your partner unexpectedly during the day (or at night if they are out of town) and talk sexy to him/her, telling them how much you long to touch his/her body, feel him/her, etc.
29. Plan a surprise getaway weekend for just the two of you--arranging for baby-sitters, dogsitters, etc. Take your partner someplace you think your spouse will love. You can even go to a nice hotel in your own city!
30. Greet your partner at the airport with a balloon or flower and enthusiastic 'welcome home'.
31. Take out an ad in the Lost and Found with something like "I've found the love of my life with my spouse, __name___." or something similar. Have a florist deliver a rose, the newspaper and a note telling him/her which page to turn to and where the ad is.
32. Make sure your partner can sleep in one weekend morning. Take care of telephone, kids, dogs, etc.
33. Leave part of your favorite romantic song (even if from when you first dated) on your partner's voice mail or answering machine with a message like "I remember dancing with you and long to feel you in my arms.
34. Give your partner a massage on any part or all of his/her body (if full body, create climate with candles, etc.)
35. Sit and talk about fun and romantic times in your relationship--when you were dating, first married, etc. Enjoy the memories and think about how to bring some of that into the present.
36. Write a short poem (even if it doesn't rhyme and even if you think you could never write poetry) telling of your love. You can start with lines like, "Like the light of a harvest moon. . ." "Heart to heart. . ." "Like the water caresses the sand. . ." etc.
37. Lip sync a romantic song for your partner after dinner one night.
38. Bring home or to the office your partner's favorite sweet thing.
39. Leave a flower on the pillow before your partner goes to bed--even if it is one you pick from your own yard.
40. Take the afternoon off and just go someplace with your partner -- ice cream shop, stroll around a lake, a place to explore.
41. Plan a 'secret rendezvous' in your own town, in the city where your partner is on business, etc.
42. Send your partner a postcard when you are out of town saying you were thinking of him/her and love him/her. It doesn't matter if you get home before the postcard does!
43. Write a love letter as if you were just falling in love with this person. You might want to include things that have always attracted you, your partner's strengths, what he or she does for the marriage or family that you appreciate, how your spouse sometimes brings out the best in you, why you want to spend the rest of your life with him/her -- or whatever occurs to you!
44. Tell your partner you that instead of watching TV tonight (or doing work,
or fussing with the kids, etc.), you simply want to be with them to talk, snuggle, play a game or whatever he or she has in mind.
45. Go for a walk together after dinner, holding hands and remembering good times or funny times you've had.
46. Write "I love You!" on the bathroom mirror with lipstick or shaving cream.
47. Shower together.
48. Paint a heart or something else on your partner's body or body part with whipped cream, chocolate syrup, and lick it off slowly, and saying "MMMMMMMmmmmmmm".
49. Tell your partner before you go to bed, or before you leave in the morning, one of the things you love most about him/her (quality, physical characteristic, behavior).
50. Agree to meet at a social event or public place and act as if you are meeting each other for the first time---flirt, make 'eyes' at each other or other gestures from across the room, rub against each other when walking by, etc.
51. Go skinny dipping in pool or hot tub or at the beach.
52. Test drive a Porsche or a convertible with the top down and pretend you are seeing each other although it has been 'forbidden' by your parents. Drive safely! If you want to kiss, pull over!!!
53. When your partner is coming home late in the evening (after meeting, etc.), have bed turned down, hot bath ready with flower petals floating in it and candles.
54. Rent a video you know your spouse would like or liked in the past, make popcorn and have an evening together like teenagers.
55. Create your own 'slumber party' for just the two of you.
56. Drive to the beach (or spend the night) and go for walks on the beach holding hands.
57. When you have to go out of town on business, add an extra day and invite your spouse to join you for all or part of your trip.
58. Undress your partner as if it were the first time--slowly, touching their body as you go.
59. Make seductive comments to your partner throughout the evening.
61. After dinner, or after the kids go to bed, put on one of your or your partner's favorite slow song -- or the song from your wedding -- take her or him by the hand and slow dance, relishing the feeling of it and the memories with it.
62. Text your spouse or partner and tell them how 'hot' they are. You might want to include something about your partner that turns you on or one of the things you love when making love.
63. Use your imagination---this is a person you are just falling in love with (again!)--be creative in ways to express that, be together, etc.
For more Romantic Ideas visit Romance 101 for ideas, poetry, and more.
Here are a couple of books with even more ideas!
Photos courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
© Dawn Lipthrott, LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist specializing in marriage and relationships in Winter Park, FL. Her goal is to help you take the relationship you have and make it much more of the one you both truly want -- and in so doing, make the world a better place. .