Like most of you, I have been stunned, angered, troubled, deeply saddened and touched by the events that unfolded before our eyes in New York and Washington. We have witnessed the worst of humanity and the best of humanity. I have been listening to hours of the news broadcasts, listening to clients and others who have loved ones in New York or Washington, who have lost family or friends, or those who don't know anyone personally yet who still feel overwhelmed by the magnitude of what has happened. Many feel afraid for our future.
Yet through this tragedy, I believe the victims themselves, and others, have taught us lessons that we all need to learn and re-learn. The most important lessons are not that we need tighter airport security, or that we need better intelligence services, although we do. They are not even about the greatness of this country, although we are learning that as well.
The lessons the victims, survivors, their loved ones and others have taught us are:
1. What matters most in life are the people we love.
No one called from those planes worried about their business or their bank account. They called in those last moments to say "I love you" to family and friends. They reached out in love and in cherishing those important human connections in their lives.
We see the CEO of a trillion dollar a year financial company, weeping on national TV not about his business or the stock market but about the 700 families of his employees who have lost someone they love and about those who have died. What he wanted to say with such urgency to the world was not about investing. It was "go home and kiss your children." Another man stated through tears that he would give everything he has to just see his daughter again.
2. We ARE all connected at the deepest level and we have an inherent need to express our connection.
As we watch lines of people at blood banks, firefighters and metal workers, ordinary citizens reaching out to offer their help and support, the news suggests it is out of patriotism. Patriotism is now growing. But, people reach out in whatever way they can because of our essential and unbreakable connection with other human beings. People across Europe, Australia, Japan, Russia, South America who continue to express their support are not motivated by patriotism, but by human connection. We know we are connected -- they are part of us.
3. We are ALL going to die some day, and most of us don't know when. We cannot wait to express our love and get our priorities straight.
We need to express our love to our spouses, partners, parents, children every day because the end of the day may come and one of us isn't here anymore. We cannot wait to resolve our petty arguments, our hurts, our conflicts, because we waste the precious time we have together and we may never get the chance. What people are left with when we die are memories of our presence in their lives -- whether that presence was loving, caring, thoughtful, respectful -- or whether it was critical, nagging, insulting. Memories of who we are and how we have lived, acted and spoken are what remain of us. What memories will people have of you today?
4. We must find ways to resolve conflict and misunderstanding that lead to repair instead of damage and hurt to the other person.
Attacking, running, discounting, refusing to talk do not resolve conflicts, yet it is what most of us try to use because we don't know effective skills. If you want help learning better ways to communicate, resolve conflict, repair relationships, express your love and care, visit our bookstore for helpful books. Find a counselor or coach or religious educator who can teach you specific skills that can help you love better. We can ALL learn ways of making our relationships, and therefore our world, better.
THE BEST MEMORIAL WE CAN BUILD TO THE VICTIMS & THEIR FAMILIES:
* Make a commitment each and every day to express your love, your care to the people around you.
* Make a commitment each and every day to "be the peace you want to see."
Make EVERY DAY a memorial to the vicitms of this tragedy and to the people YOU love that you still have with you by doing these two things each day. That is the greatest way you can contribute to them and to the world.
Articles by others on the 9-11 tragedy:
Some Very Tough Questions by Louise Franklin-Sheehy
Frank's response and questions from Dr. Phil MGraw
